The Backstory

July 3, 2005

How did I get to this point? I'm not entirely sure, myself, but I can tell you what I know about how this change took place.
In 1998, my husband, Mark, and I began attending a Lutheran church. We had moved from a small rural area to a suburban setting and had more than three denominations from which to choose. After reading about the Lutheran church, we thought we would visit one. We chose a large congregation near downtown Greensboro, N.C., and after one visit felt both at home and spiritually challenged. We've been active there ever since. Our son has made his First Communion there and our daughter was baptized there.
We like the history of the Lutheran church and find the liturgically based setting conducive to reassurance, examination and strength, all very important parts of the spiritual life.
For a period of about a year after our daughter was born, I worked nights, and did some volunteer work during the day for one of the pastors, a woman a few years older than I. We talked about her spiritual journey and mine, and I told her how I had been feeling a persistent nudging from God that I should become a pastor.
I had real doubts, in part because I believed that pastoral temperaments were born, not made. I was hot-tempered, impulsive and sometimes thoughtless. These were not good inclinations! As I began to explore the possibility, however, I was reassured by the saying, "God does not call the prepared but prepares the called." Emotional ups and downs, and emotional growth, were normal and could be cultivated.
In the fall of 1999, I attended a one-day workshop at a nearby Episcopal retreat center for those who thought they might be interested in becoming "rostered leaders" in the church. Rostered leaders are not only pastors but also Associates in Ministry, Deaconesses, Diaconal Ministers -- those who lead the church in staff positions as well as ordained ministers.
By the end of the workshop I knew that not only must I become a rostered leader, it was to be ordination. I have long believed and been shown by family example that all Christians are ministers. However, the yearning in my soul would not be tempered with anything less. "I want you in this place," God was insisting.
My first response? "Who -- me?" As God kept insisting, "Yes -- you," I argued with God, in the ignominious tradition of Moses, Isaiah, and others who, when called, said, "No way, God; You must have the wrong number."
First, I had two young children. At the time they were 5 and 1. Second, we needed the income from my job. "If You want me," I told God, "I'm gonna need a lot of help. And You'll have to show me the way."
For Part II, see next blog, creatively titled, "The Backstory, Part II." This includes a fair amount of logistical detail. If you couldn't care less, skip directly to "The Backstory, Part III."